I feel like crying

right now i feel so couped up in my house...this is my daily routine....i get up at 5am with my husband when he gets up to start to get ready for work....i get up start his car (in the cold) usually make his lunch for him unless he is going out to lunch.....sometimes i'll lay out his clothes and his wallet and phone and keys etc etc....to try to make his day less hectic......then he leaves for work around 6am....sometimes this is when helena wakes up so i get her out of bed....get her whatever she wants...food movie....whatever it may be at the time.....7:30 rolls around and i get the girls up for school....make sure they get dressed....brush their hair....have breakfast....brush teeth....make sure they have all their stuff in their backpacks send em out the door at 8:20 to get on the bus...then its me and helena home all day....unless by some miracle i need to get to the store then i pack up helena and go to the store....or i stay home do dishes, and laundry and vacuum and make food for her....entertain her....make sure she uses the bathroom....etc....etc.....i WISH in all that she would take a nap....but at 2 she has already given those up.....only occasionally can i get her to actually lay down and SLEEP.....i do get on the computer during the day its my only sanity i really have.....i have no one else to talk to really during the day except for the women on the message boards i am apart of.....and i really find that horribly sad....and i feel empty inside....i really do.....girls come home at 4 we do homework....and i try to get them to help me clean up or put away their laundry which more times than not end up in them getting mad at me for me telling them to do these things.....sometimes i feel like their little slave.....isn't that what a mom is though?? i make dinner....and i hate it when the kids complain about what i make for dinner....it really gets to me....like i can't do anything right by anyone.....im a mom on the edge....about to tip one way or another.....husband comes home around 6pm....except today he is out having a good old time seeing off an old friend and i sit here and resent him for it....when do *I* get to go out and have a good time like that? feels like never....now i wont say i have never gone out and had fun with a friend....my only friend really...or my husband cause i have.....but when i look at it he has gone out and had more of those nights than me....and i sit here and i just get upset about it all.....my plans for going out this week have fallen through....my friend doesn't have the funds and my husband seemed to have drained ours in a months time.....and i really dont care that he has bought these items....it just saddens me cause i think hell i could have gone out and had some ME time with my friend....even if she didnt have the funds i could have paid for her movie ticket and her dinner....if my husband hadn't spent so much money....so im couped up for at least another week.....we do have plans for next week....but i sit here and wonder if those will fall through? and onto after dinner....i try to relax...husband is usually home....in bed....on his computer...watching tv....and i resent that as well sometimes cause i am the one who does the dishes after dinner and clean up after making it.....and i do admit i do ask him to do it every once in a while....but honestly i dont want to have to ASK for it....i want him to volunteer to do it.....and bedtime comes around....who do you think makes sure the kids get showers....brushes their teeth jammies on? ME.....who picks up the two year old fighting and screaming for a sippy cup....not wanting to go to bed even though i refuse to give her a sippy cup at night and puts her to bed while she is tryng to kick me and yells and screams? ME!!!!! i AM TIRED.....i am tired of doing laundry...i am tired of cooking....im tired of doing dishes.....i am tired of cleaning....I AM TIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am a mom....this is my life.