I think people...

Forget how lonely it can be to be a stay at home mom.  Imagine yourself.....home alone, doing the same things day in and day out....all the kids are at school, everyone you know either is working or has something else to do, having little kids at home to keep them busy or other friends they spend their time with. (Not that I know too many people to hang out with around here.) Then there is you, sitting home wondering what happened.   Wondering if being home anymore is worth it.  For me, I feel like I haven't another choice.  With the dogs and the goats and the chickens, and the animals we plan to get in the future.  On top of cooking and cleaning and laundry and making sure the kids get up for school, and get their homework done, and not having to worry about scrambling your way out of work to go get your kid from school if they happen to get sick.  For me going back to work would just put added stress onto my shoulders, seeing as I do at least 80% if not more of the work around the house.  Not by choice, but out of necessity,  with a husband who has physical limitations on what he can and cannot do, the brunt work falls to me.  Him and the kids help as much as they can, but between his work and their school and budding social lives, it all gets a little hectic for me.  I do not think my sanity could hold out long if I added a job to the mix, having to do that and come home and still do 80% or more of the household stuff, trying to plan that out around their schedules to boot. It gets lonely though, and depressing, feeling unappreciated most days.  It gets to me sometimes and I loose my cool, I get so wound tight that it comes off in a ball of fury, lashing out and everyone and anything!  Saying things I regret and really do not mean, but having so much pent up stress and tension it just flows out like verbal diarrhea.  I wish I had a better outlet, something to drown out the mundane life of a stay at home mom.